#((IS THE ONE HE CAN'T WATCH BECAUSE ITS TOO SIMILAR TO HIS OWN TRAUMA))

[aspiringroleplays]

Hmmm.... the biggest difference between Sora's original history and my updated one is that Sora now knows the whole plot of Frozen.

[not-goldy]

I was listening Taemin's Guilty and am I the only one who hears a subtle hint of "Lie" in it? Its a damn shame we haven't gotten another song like Lie by Jimin. He would absolutely own a track like that cause I could actually hear him singing Taemin's Guilty. And he would have ate that song & choreo up. Wwe already seen what Jimin could with that cause we saw that temptress at work during that Guilty challenge that he did with Taemin. That is what I have been wanting so badly from him during his solo work. Give me sultry Jimin & some kick as choreo that only he can pull off and we will watch others struggle to try to recreate. Give me Guilty, Give me WHO ft JK 2.0. Give me Under The Influence. Give me Earned It. Give me I'm A Slave For You. Please I beg Jimin.

Eh?? Subtle hint???????

The said hint

Its the concept of the song, the tempo, mentioning Lie directly etc

He's been compared so much with Jimin in the past because they had similar sounds and style and I honestly thought Jimin would be making music in that genre forever but I'm glad he went the other route of evolving his own unique style too.

Lie and Guilty are two of the greatest Kpop hits and I recall when Guilty came out fans were making mashups of the two songs and all it was epic.

Two amazing talented singers and musicians.

I actually like Taemin's music. Guilty reminds me in part of his Advice with his signature hook and all but I do see the similarities with Lie also.

You see, you have to be patient with Jimin. He needs to make music that feeds his soul and that comes from his soul first. His best hits are songs he'd searched deep inside him for. He has his own idea of what he wants his discography to look like, he has his own musical journey he is on. He's an artist and an entrepreneur and he gotta test what makes money what don't what needs money and what don't.

You want lie, well he's done Lie and he's moved on to other things too. Perhaps he's not in the same mind frame he was in when he came up with Lie and Promise.

Remember how Tae kept making melancholic songs and I told yall my boo single and depressed and then he started with the happy songs and said welp dude went and got himself a girlfriend.

Jimin is happy 😊

He is is a good place he wants to spread that joy and love. He wants to celebrate that love let him. He's not gonna conjure fake deep wounds and sing about the trauma he doesn't have anymore. Taemin is out here singing about using people, breaking hearts to a good rhythm and we love it. Not all art comes from a dark place. What he is doing is art too and I'm tired of people expressing dissatisfaction with it.

He said he's finally free and he means it yall are just some tortured souls walking earth. And not to psycho analyze yall but you were drawn to the wounds he had and now that it's all healed you can't relate. Don't you think it's why we victimize him the most? Poor boy who got bullied by his younger team mate, half his own Fandom hates, his company hates him, Billboard hates him, every body hates him- and yet he isn't crying about it in songs, he isn't leaving the said man or his company and we are confused as to why.

Whywhy.... tell em that it's human nature. Why why

This is where I start singing Michael Jackson on yall

Not everything he puts out there will resonate and that's fine. It's still good music. Its just coming from a different place now.

Not everything gotta be so intense yall need to learn to be happy

Sultry Jimin will come in due season. It's summer time baby enjoy the sunshine- pan intended

[gffa]

These two pages from Dark Victory have stayed with me ever since I first read it because they're visually hella interesting, I enjoy Tim Sale's art for how stylish it is, but also because every time I see it, I hear the click of a spotlight being turned on, almost like this is a play being acted out. It highlights the connection between the characters, but that it also is shutting everything else out. That makes sense in the moment, Dick just watched his parents die, there's nothing else in the world for him. Bruce is reliving his own trauma of having watched his parents die, as well as watching another child go through the same thing--but, in a way I can't shake, it almost feels like Bruce is intruding on this moment, too. That Dick's loss gets interpreted as a mirror of Bruce's loss--Dark Victory goes to great lengths to hammer home that parallel, it is not at all subtle about it:

But what strikes me about the moment of the Graysons' deaths is that it feels almost like a play being acted out, that Bruce becomes part of it because they mirror each other so strongly, that for all they grow as individuals and come to love each other as uniquely different people, they will always be rooted in this mirroring of each other. Bruce isn't just a bystander to Dick's loss and grief, it fundamentally connects them and defines them--that in many ways Dick understands Bruce the best because, as Dick says about himself, when he was Robin, he was smaller than everyone else, so he had to learn to read people better, to know what they were going to do, because Dick was with Bruce the longest, because Dick and Bruce often are the most similar. But it's also that Dick understands Bruce best because Bruce allowed him in because of this mirror, that sometimes it feels like Bruce only understands people through the lens of his own grief, that's why Dick's the closest to him, because Dick shares that same loss. This isn't to undercut that Dick was a bright, lively child who brought laughter and joy because that is also absolutely true and I will fight tooth and nail anyone who says otherwise. Bruce loves that kid because Dick refused to not be loved, because he's not the same as Bruce, he's brighter, he's better, he's more in so many ways. Bruce and Dick's relationship isn't just one thing or another, there are times when it borders on almost being kind of healthy and then there are times when it's toxic as hell, yet it's always underscored by how much they genuinely love each other, how Bruce keeps thoughts of Dick in his mind to turn to for solace just like he turns to thoughts of his own father, how Dick demands to be worth just as much to Bruce's parents even when they've traveled into the future to be directly in front of him, and Dick gets that worth from Bruce. But sometimes I think about that panel, I hear a spotlight clicking on in my head, I think about Bruce unintentionally inserting himself into this moment of Dick's loss and how Bruce sometimes holds him closer to his heart because Dick's hurt mirrors his own so much. How sometimes Bruce sees the world through that lens of trauma and only how much people can understand it, that the rest of the world drops away and is nothing but black, empty space, except him and the person who understands his hurt.

That I can look at that panel and see it as its meant to be--a moment of pure connection, "I understand what you're going through, I can't take it away, but I can be here with you." and how that saved Dick Grayson's life, how it allowed him to heal and grow and thrive. I can see Bruce's heart breaking because he would have done anything to save this kid from that pain. And sometimes I can look at it and see Bruce watching a horrific play unfold before him and relating to it through his own issues, rather than true empathy. Ultimately, it's really more that they're kindred spirits, that's what the follow-up pages show, that Dick goes through the same process that Bruce went through, he does the same things Bruce did, all while Bruce isn't there to influence him into that at all. Dick is his own person, Bruce couldn't make him be a copy of Bruce if he'd wanted to, he couldn't even win an argument with a nine-year-old about putting on a costume and fighting crime with him and absolutely not staying out of the line of fire. Dick Grayson did what he was going to do, Bruce had nothing to do with making him into that person. But part of the reason they're such an interesting dynamic is because they're not just purely one thing or another, that for all that at the end of the day, Dick and Bruce are naturally like each other in a lot of core ways, it's also possible to read them as unhealthy co-dependent on each other, that them being everything to each other comes with some sharper edges, especially when Bruce sometimes resents Dick for growing beyond him and leaving him, even while desperately proud of him at the same time.

It's a thing Bruce struggles with a lot when it comes to Dick and I think of this tangled web of emotions every time I see that second splash page above. That Bruce came to love this kid as a son, but also as someone who understood what it was like to live with that kind of devastating loss, and how hard Bruce connected with that--and then how hard it was to let him go, when Bruce can't let go of his parents. That it's hard for Bruce to see Dick grow beyond being the son who understood him best, who mirrored his tragedy best, and he'll do it, he loves his kid enough to keep climbing back up out of that desire to hold onto him as his reflection even if he falls back into it sometimes, that some part of him will always see Dick as the one who had that connection that blocked the rest of the world out and understood him in a way no one else could.

[insipid-drivel]

Aang and Korra Both Have Dissociative Identity Disorders

There. I said it.

As a person with DID/OSDD forced to grit their teeth through yet another stigmatizing movie release (fuck you for "Split", Netflix), my Team and I are officially hijacking something most of you love: the Avatar: The Last Airbender franchise.

In the ATLA and LOK universes, Dissociative Identity Disorder and its similar diagnoses are the key to ultimate spiritual power.

Aang, Korra, and all of the canonical Avatars are only special in the ATLA and LOK universe because they have traumagenic alter identities that present themselves as the past lives of the existing Avatar, and it's actually kind of agonizingly obvious if you have DID/OSDD and watch the shows carefully. Aang especially is the most symptomatic of "classic" DID symptoms, so I'll focus mostly on him:

Point 1: It's canon that Aang has experienced deep psychological trauma at a young age. DID/OSDD usually begins to take shape in very young children that have suffered severe psychological trauma that often involves a feeling of extreme helplessness, powerlessness, and/or isolation (however, the symptoms and the alter identities can stay hidden or unnoticed well into adulthood; I didn't even know about my own symptoms until I was 28 and honestly thought it was Schizophrenia first).

Aang is canonically othered by his peers - not maliciously or intentionally, but it's actually pretty common for neurotypicals to eventually subconsciously notice things and respond with caution if they can't understand why someone Feels A Little Different - among the Air Nomads for learning at too young an age than average that he is, in fact, the Avatar. Even Gyatso treats him differently for it, and in the live action version, Aang even admits to feeling like he doesn't quite fit with his own community prior to learning he's the Avatar, and that his peers were able to pick up on it.

The live action version also adds to the headcanon of Aang having DID by the fact that he's shown as sometimes overwhelming and accidentally harming or endangering his friends and peers in combat practice, when he exerts more strength or skill than even he knew he could manifest if he gets too swept up in the moment. That strength/skill immediately retracts back into Aang when he realizes how little control over it he has and overdoes it with someone, as though his System realized they'd gotten overzealous and showed too much of themselves in Aang and compromised his external relationships.

He has skills that he can't quite account for, unsettling other Airbenders his age that don't also know he's the Avatar, and while Aang is friendly and largely liked by those around him - even having an extensive network of international friends in a world with no telecommunication infrastructure - his community itself struggles to fully embrace him, and are annihilated by the Fire Nation when Aang isn't around to let the Avatar State/his System of alter personalities to protect the people he loves, driving the trauma deeper, and making him even more easily triggered into the Avatar State after fully realizing he and his system couldn't save the people they loved, causing Aang to be even more easily triggered into switching into it again when the friends he makes later are in danger.

Point 2: The Avatar usually dissociates/blacks out when entering and leaving the Avatar State, with fragmented or no memories from the Avatar State itself until they've mastered it. Aang and Korra both demonstrate a degree of recall depending upon the situation they entered the Avatar State for. At the beginning of ATLA and LOK, it's obvious in both that Aang and Korra have very little conscious control over the Avatar State (aka switching personalities to one or more that can handle a situation they feel they can't without them), and it's almost always triggered by danger or life-threatening situations.

Aang first enters the Avatar State when he and Appa are lost in the storm at sea, where not only is his life in peril, but so is Appa's. There's no evidence to suggest that Aang's transition into the Avatar State to protect himself and Appa from the storm is a willful one; he is very visibly sinking and losing the fight to stay conscious when he falls into the water with Appa, and it's only when his consciousness starts to fully slip into "unconscious" that the Avatar State self-initiates.

For those of us with Systems that work closely with us and can recognize what's going on around us without being dissociated, a common trigger for switching is immediate physical danger to the individual and/or who and what they love or care for. However, to protect themselves and the knowledge of their existence, the System/Alters themselves can strategically choose when and where to take control that will call the least amount of attention to them, especially if they're not ready for their host (Aang or Korra) to know about them.

A good compromise that happens a lot with DID/OSDD is for a System or individual alter to take control when the host personality is already losing consciousness or is already in a mental state where they're not likely to remember very much of what's happening. When Aang falls into the ocean during the storm and starts to lose consciousness underwater, it's the perfect window for his System to surge forward without his knowledge or need for his approval, and get him and Appa into a safe state they refuse to let down until they know it's safe to let go. In Aang's case, being trapped in the iceberg prevented his System from knowing whether it was safe, until Katara's waterbending proved that someone was outside of the iceberg that might be able to help. Once the Avatar State lets go and Aang's System retreats back into its "hiding" state, he has absolutely no memory of what happened, and no sense of the passage of time.

Point 3: None of Aang's alters/past lives seem to be aware that they're the reason Aang was lost for 100 years while simultaneously being able to tell him things he should not be able to know. Especially in the live action version, when Aang has his first formal meeting with Avatar Kyoshi in the Spirit World/Avatar State, Kyoshi and Aang's other dominant alter, Avatar Roku, don't seem to fully acknowledge that it was the choice of the other Avatars/Alters to dissociate Aang and keep him safe in the iceberg for an entire century. Kyoshi is visibly angry and frustrated with Aang for "taking so long", without an apparent idea of the full context of why Aang was "gone" for so long. She demonstrates a tenuous awareness of major events in time - both past and future - but not so much what's going on in the present aside from what's presenting the greatest risk to Aang's safety.

The other Avatars, or alters, just don't seem fully aware of the consequences of their taking Aang's ability to call the shots away while he's dissociated. Instead, they verbalize Aang's own internalized guilt: "Where were you?" "You should've been there," "You ran away," and so on, until Aang starts to stick up for himself (read: forgive himself) to them. Once he begins telling his past lives that his 100-year-long absence wasn't his fault and he still has hope for saving the world, his past lives become a lot more pliable and eager to help.

When Aang begins to turn to his Avatar State and its associated personalities as a powerful tool for protecting himself and others, and therefore begins to trust his past lives enough to reach out to them and communicate with them more, the more the past lives/alters demonstrate awareness of the world outside of Aang and compassion for the position he's in. Their interactions become much more productive and relaxed the more Aang trusts them, and the more they trust Aang to turn to them for help in dire circumstances. It's almost as if Aang has to accept them as part of himself before they can actively participate in his world, or else they can't function properly at all. This mindset is practically proven in the show's canon when Avatar Roku, Bumi, and other advice-giving characters in Aang's life actively begin encouraging Aang to lean into it and learn to control it so all of his past lives can emerge as one force when he decides he needs them.

Point 4: When it really matters, the past lives/alters set aside their own impulses in order to honor Aang's beliefs, and Aang suffers psychologically if they don't. With the final battle against Ozai, especially in the original series, even Aang's own alters push him to kill Ozai as the only way of stopping the Fire Nation from continuing to conquer and destroy the world. Even Roku reluctantly encourages Aang to kill Ozai, because it's the only obvious way of eliminating Ozai and ending the war. Kyoshi, too, also advises him to kill Ozai, until Aang begins to desperately seek out all of his past lives for suggestions for any other way of stopping the war without compromising his beliefs as a pacifist.

In moments where Aang is triggered into the Avatar State and can't control himself or the other Avatars, their impulses are usually to use lethally-destructive force, save for if a particular Avatar is needed for a particular situation (See: the Kyoshi Island arc in the original series when Aang is put on trial for Kyoshi's actions). Aang violently resists this, breaking down or flagellating himself if he realizes the Avatar State has gotten someone hurt or otherwise put in real danger, continuously citing his belief in passivity as a better alternative to resolving problems through violence. As far as we know, Aang is the only one of the Avatars to have experienced the trauma of surviving a successful genocide, and one of the greatest points of contention between Aang and his other lives/alters is that they struggle to empathize with him on their own. It's only when Aang faces down Ozai himself, in that final moment where he has Ozai's life literally under his thumb, that Aang experiences a stroke of his own inspiration and uses the combined power of his alters to take Ozai's bending away and render him a regular, common person.

In other words, Aang compromised with his alters/past lives to find a resolution that satisfied them all, and finally cemented what Aang's truest needs were to his past lives/alters, and attaining harmony with them.

In summation: Aang especially could easily be seen as a poster child and icon for DID/OSDD and how it can actually present and behave, and I personally choose to believe that the Avatar universe itself is one where DID/OSDD is seen as a profound gift to be celebrated and revered rather than a true crime docuseries waiting to happen at the moment of diagnosis.

[findmeinthefallair]

Brief Meta on Memories and Traumatic Grief

Memories change over time and don't stay exactly the same. Each one is fluid, tied to a web of ever-changing associations we draw between them and other thoughts, and we actually make small edits each time we revisit them, like small tweaks in a word doc file that we may hardly notice.

But we are undoubtedly rewriting them over time, changing the narrative even if not by much, forming new associations big and small with them by weaving other thoughts/feelings/beliefs/perspectives/memories with them, no matter how consciously or subconsciously we do so. It's like playing the telephone game with ourselves without being able to stop it.

The fascinating thing about this is it opens up room for trauma treatment approaches such as Eye Movement Desensitizing and Reprocessing (EMDR), narrative therapy, journaling, memory rescripting etc to be effective, since memories are therefore subjective. Memories are always malleable, though at the same time they have foundational roots.

Which brings me to the above. I believe it was tremendously important that others were physically present and right next to him in the moments right after Flapjack faded away. Trusted loved ones who felt the same kind of emotions as he was, to collectively grieve as a group (hell, there hasn't even been time for them to properly mourn without rushing the process. Not yet). This would've influenced the forming of Hunter's traumatic memories related in any way to Flapjack dying.

Instances like below - him being held tightly and soothed while being in an unmatched level of pain - must have shaped the newly forming memories in a major way:

Oddly enough, this scenario in which a death has just occurred has some similarities with its opposite: birth 🤔🤔🤔🤔 The minutes and hours after any childbirth are a very sensitive window for foundations of a sense of safety, emotional regulation and even physiological processes to be built. That's why newborn infants should have pretty much constant physical touch with caregivers via e.g. skin-to-skin contact for healthy bonding to take place. *tempted to philosophize more about birth vs death but I'm holding back from being unnecessarily lengthy*

Back to Hunter's major traumatic loss above. I'm referencing it because it's not long till we'll see him witness Belos be imprisoned, dying or however way in which he will be defeated. How could this impact on all the Belos-related memories and Flapjack-related memories he will keep recalling for the rest of his life?

I think he will require the exact same type of support once that milestone of his life - truly losing Belos - arrives. This but on a way bigger scale:

Why? Because there's no way this part of him has totally disappeared, even now:

There are formative memories do to with Belos which can't be whisked away with a Delete button. There are a number of factors influencing how he's going to absorb the seconds/minutes of that upcoming loss in Watching and Dreaming. The hours afterward will matter so much too. Will he witness that loss with his own eyes or e.g. might Camila pull him close into an embrace and tell him not to look? Will he have an active role in making the moment of Belos's defeat happen, or might he watch passively from a distance? Will Belos say anything to him while it happens, or not? If yes, what are the words Hunter will hear? What thoughts and feelings will he have about himself, and what memories will fill his mind while it happens? Who else is there with him during and right after it happens, and what do they tell him? All these will add up to form his experience of that loss (which is made more complicated because it is also a major gain/win for him). There is no way through this where he escapes further loss (which coexists in a messy way with gain), since trauma be like that.

Examples of other important moments in other media that portray what I'm trying to explain include this part of Avatar: The Last Airbender..

where Katara is by Zuko's side as he watches Azula, his sister, have a nervous breakdown. The physical touch from Katara matters. The memory of this event is forming in Zuko's mind and being shaped in real-time. and will continue to be shaped over time.

Another one I remembered is this moment of Silver shielding Jim in Treasure Planet (the supernova scene) when Jim's skills as a crew member (which he bet all of his self-worth on) were truly being tested:

This proved to be vital "cushioning" for what happens right afterwards: Jim, already stricken with a fragile sense of identity and no self-love, being blamed for the death of a crew member.

The last example is from How to Train Your Dragon 2. Hiccup not being on his own during his father's death and funeral:

A negative, dark example is Jinx losing Silco in Arcane:

Nobody to soothe and hold her (because she rejected Vi's help due to lack of trust), and she had been the one to end his life.

Whether a parental figure we lose has been kind or cruel to us, grief is unavoidable when they are gone. Hunter's is on a exaggerated level in fiction since Belos technically murdered him via the possession and he had to be brought back to life via external means (Flapjack's sacrifice).

I was especially compelled to write this meta after a fresh realization that being physically alone and hidden in the crucial minutes and hours after a few life-altering incidents in past decades, significantly prolonged my recovery time from such awful traumatic memories. But I'm very glad Hunter should be in excellent hands having to say that complicated goodbye (which realistically, will not be a one-time send-off) to his 'uncle', which he most definitely won't be responding to with a triumphant Hollywood kind of smile on his face.

SOMEBODY HAS TO TAKE CARE OF THIS BBY AND PUT A BLANKET OVER HIM

[nex-kyit]

II2 EP 17 SPOILERS

A list to sort out my thoughts after episode 17. I did one for the finale of III so I want to do one for ep17, even though I'm desperately hoping that this isn't the finale.

What I liked:

The sheer emotional impact of the ending. The emptiness and defeat when everything was erased, Mephone4 just in the center of where the hotel used to be, alone. Cobs, there to take him home. And after years of running, Mephone goes back to his abuser, having lost everything else he loved. Chills, last time I felt like this was with HFJone's ending. I even had a moment when I looked at the time and was like "oh god the episodes almost over they are not going to get a happy ending"

Honestly I felt like this episode was a big step up from the last two. Maybe its just me, but the last two episodes just weren't that great. Ep15 just felt like a cheap way to solve some character conflicts (then again I really hate the whole "characters are forced to tell the truth" trope) and Ep 16 was more of a set up for Ep 17. Big step up from III ending's too

What I didn't like:

Okay so it's been a while since watching III, but one of the major themes of III was not hiding from your problems and healing, right? A lot of III was repairing past relationships and most notably, that Mephone can't hide from his problems forever. Infact, III seems to be really pushing Mephone to HEAL from his trauma. And II2 major theme was that the contestants should become their own people and how the competition controls the person you are. Alright the exact wording might be off bc. re. I haven't rewatched III or II2 in a while nor do I have the time to, but I hope I'm getting the idea across. Basically, both seasons are building up for an ending where Mephone finally breaks free from Cobs and that the contestants get to learn to be themselves. Instead, Mephone is back with his abuser and the contestants are ERASED from existance? Thematically, the ending just doesn't make sense. For hfjONE, I still don't agree with its ending but at least it makes sense for the story, because the situation was from the start hopeless (a reminder for myself to rewatch hfjONE and do a write up as well). Meanwhile, the entirety of II, up until this episode, seemed to be about healing and growing. This ending throws ALLLLL that growth away. Like damn I'm all for bittersweet endings but this is straight up tragedy.

I also hate how MePad and the contestants abandon Mephone. I get it, most of them are upset, but you're telling me not one of them has any sympathy or understanding for him? Not even a, "yeah what you did sucked but we should deal with that later and not now when you're our only possible hope are reviving the dead contestants." Like damn MePad you could've at least brought Mephone with you, you think Mephone will get better in Cobs care? Ughh I get that MePad probably didn't expect Cobs to get Mephone and he is just angry and Mephone, but it really feels as though we never get the end of MePads character arc, if this really is the ending. How does he react about the contestants being erased? About Mephone returning to Cobs? Much like we don't get any closure on the few contestants that were still alive and how they felt about being erased or the whole thing with Bow's tail, or even what the Shimmer's were thinking when they arrived. They seemed pretty eager to get the remaining egg, are we just going to forget that they returned to Earth or?

Re. the contestants abandon Mephone, for some contestants it honestly seems kinda unlike them to do so? Like Microphone was just talking about forgiveness and saying sorry with Taco, this wasn't the first time Cabby and Candle saw Mephone in a similar situation. Well at least Fan and Paintbrush didn't seem mad, but it sucks that MePhone wasn't there to see it.

Maybe it's just me, but I don't really see how unplugging the wire=everyone dies! IIRC Cobs said by adding the wire to Mephone allowed him to hack into Melife and delete the contestants, but why does unplugging this completely seperate wire = everyone dies? Unplugging this wire shouldn't disconnect the contestants to Melife, otherwise Mephone should've always had a wire hanging out from him. Why are their bodies erased completely? In other words, the wire being there makes no sense, why tf is there a wire, it only seems there and works that way bc "I said so," and seems to contradict that Mephone is made out of the egg itself?

This one is very minor but there were no Floory crumbs :(. I had a little hope because Floory was a cohost and other III contestants made an appearance. Ahhh, there goes another character with missed potential.

Ok once again I think I focused a bit too much on the negatives. I think its an ending I can live with. The ending itself was pretty powerful, I just don't think it suits the story it was for.

[neonbrutalism]

no okay but listen LISTEN it could have been SO EASY to incorporate Miguel's comic canon into the movie without butchering his entire character and what I'm sure will be a lackluster arc (assuming they redemp him in BTSV but I s2g if they leave him as a """villain"""....)

In his universe, Dana is dead, Xina left, and he had a massive falling out with Gabri, so, like he said, he tried to find a universe where he was happy to slip into. In this one, Dana is alive and they never had that mutual affair, he's in a great relationship with Xina (they could have even had Gabriela together, if they wanna keep the dad vibe), and he and Gabri have no bad blood between. But then canon collapses, the universe is destroyed, and now Miguel is stuck with this overwhelming guilt and self-fulfilling prophecy that he's not meant to have anything good in his life. Back in his universe, Xina and Gabri continually try to reach out, but he ignores them -- partly because seeing them will remind him of their alts he destroyed, partly because he doesn't know how to apologize for all of his wrongdoings prior. He's afraid of anomalies breaking canon because in his mind, he IS an anomaly due to his differences in spiderman origin.

In comes Miles just as he would have from the "Miguel Calling" deleted scene. Miguel wants to keep him at arms length, but the kid is infectious with his personality. He doesn't want him involved with anything because again, anomalies mixing in other universes too long doesn't work out, especially if it's a change in story. He hides the fact that Miles' dad is meant to die in just two days and instructs everyone else to follow suit with varying degrees of agreement and slip ups. It's his idea of protecting Miles, especially with his own daddy issues and how much the kid reminds him of his own younger brother when they were still on good terms. No matter how hard he tries to initially ice Miles out, he can't help but get attached when there's just so many similarities between the two of them.

But of course, Miles finds out eventually after all that good fluff and bonding, and he's so hurt and betrayed that everyone would keep him in the dark about something like that -- but even more so Miguel, who he felt like was one of the only people who really GOT him in certain ways. Miguel explains the canon theory and anomalies and his experiences, keeps insisting its for Miles' own good (similar to Miles' parents smothering him in the beginning), that he never meant to hurt him, but it falls on deaf ears. He accuses Miguel of not being a "real" spiderman like everyone else, mostly to the point of letting an innocent man die for the sake of canon, and that maybe they're not the same after all, fulfilling Miguel's self destructive prophecy all over again.

Since they wasted so much time having their fun little team building montage, it's much more down to the wire for there to be time for Miles to save his dad (as was Miguel's plan to distract him). Miguel wants to be angry, for a moment it looks like he's going to do something with those claws and fangs everyone's been joking about thus far, but as soon as he sees Miles' flinch back from him, he backs down. But he's cold and reserved, and decides that if Miles wants to destroy the universe, then it can be done by his own hand. And maybe after that trauma of wiping out billions of lives for one selfish desire, they'll be more alike than either of them had originally thought.

He sends Miles back in the Go Home machine, because that's what happens with anomalies (though none of them realize it would send him to Earth-42). Spiders object for different reasons, like, is he for real going to send a kid back to his universe to watch his dad die and/or be responsible for its collapse? The answer is obviously fuck no, he's going to send teams of Spiders to ensure the canon event still occurs in stealth, there's no way he'd put that kind of blame on Miles. Not to mention, there's still the Spot threat going on in the background they need to put a stop to. Gwen and co. refuse to be a part of this mission, they won't go behind Miles' back anymore and resolve to help him instead.

And initially, Miguel doesn't go on either mission. He can't face Miles after all of this, he wants to wallow in his pity and misery like always in the isolation of his office, only keeping tabs on his monitors. Maybe he's the first one to realize that Miles' isn't on Earth 1610 and if he doesn't stabilize soon, he might glitch out, thus forcing him to take action and save the kid. Or maybe he just has a cool moment during the Spot final battle of ripping open a portal to save Miles and/or Jeff in the nick of time from a fatal attack, after some self ass kicking and a few returned calls to Gabri and Xina. Either way hell yeah apologies and teamwork and character growth for everyone

Anyways thanks for coming to my TEDtalk

Holy shit.

arrrggghhhh this is so good!! I love this rewrite! Yes more Miguel festering and wallowing but forcing himself to do the right thing and complaining about it the whole time!

You should write it as a whole fic >:3

[nicascurls]

Just subjected my mother to this rant, so now you guys are going to hear it as well:

I've recently been watching (or rewatching in my mother's case) American Horror Story. I had seen parts of various seasons before but not all the way through. I just wanted to clarify that to make the point that I was aware of the general tone and severity of the show. I had seen some comparisons to how Don has gone 'too American Horror' in the show, and I understood the comparison but didn't realise how damn close.

I'm towards the end of Season 6 right now (Roanoke), and I have noticed blatant parallels between events on AHS and how the legacy characters have been treated in Chucky.

1. Nica's dismemberment (and arguably her treatment in Cult as well). In Asylum there is the Nazi Doctor guy (I can't remember his name) Who repeatedly sexually assaulted patients, much like Foley did to Nica in Cult of Chucky, and also imprisoned and dismembered a patient. Once again, a strong parallel to Tiffany dismembering and imprisoning Nica.

2. Andy's imprisonment with the colonel in Season 2. Where he was imprisoned and cannibalised over the span of a year, similar to how the Polk family in Roanoke imprisoned people before eating parts of their body.

3. Kyle losing her ear in the explosion. Whilst the way the ear was lost is different in this example, it just feel like the significance of two characters losing their left ear and there being a certain focus on it is strange. There was the close-up shot of Kyle as she showed the prosthetic to Nica and Glenda in Chucky whilst there is a close-up shot Lee's ear being put in a jar in Roanoke.

Now, here's the point I want to make, the issue I have is not necessarily what happens on its own, but in the context of the different shows.

American Horror Story, especially now, is so well known that you have a degree of understanding when it comes to what to expect. You know it's going to be dark, and you also know that it will impact the characters, and no one is safe because it's a different story every season. You know there will be the trauma and the effects of that because it's not something that has to be continued in the next season.

However, with Chucky, this isn't the case. This is a continuous story that has been going for over 35 years now. Plus, the series was never intended to be that dark. There is supposed to be comedy, and it's supposed to be camp, and if dark shit happens, it usually happens to minor characters or additional antagonists.

That's why this level of horror doesn't work. Not only is it the fact that this is happening to legacy characters who fans have grown to love and root for over years, it's the fact that the actual trauma they have experienced is just glossed over or played off basically as a joke.

It just doesn't work, and it's one of the main issues I have with the show as a whole. It also feels kinda disrespectful that the legacy characters who have been surving this stuff for years suffer with this whilst the teens who seem to NEVER LEARN from their experiences manage to escape similar fates every time (because honestly, we all know the teens will be out of those dolls by the end of 4x01 if the show gets renewed)

[lurkinglurkerwholurks]

The End of the World

First posted: October 6, 2019

Focuses on: Bruce Wayne & Alfred Pennyworth

Tier: Closer to the bottom on all metrics because no one values Alfred.

This is my “behind the scenes” series where I indulge myself horribly by annotating my fics. Link to the fic itself above. Thoughts below the cut.

The Whumptober fics of 2019 continue apace, this time with probably my quietest fic of the year, because everyone says they love Alfred and yet no one seems to want to read about him. Fools.

When Bruce was nine, the world ended. Not in the same way it had when he was eight. 

Please know that I don't even have to remember writing this fic to look at these two lines and know that what happened is my brain gave me a banger of an opening line and then immediately went "... wait."

Because I have to be correct and of COURSE the true world-ender was his parents' death, but also this needed to be, too. So then I had to spend another couple paragraphs explaining how and why so it all made sense, just so I could keep the opening line.

The engine rumbled soft and low in a way that was pleasant, and the sun was warm on the leather seats, and Bruce was tired from following Alfred through the grocery store. 

Cars are so comfy. I have so many vague and indistinguishable but nice memories of just chilling and daydream in the backseat of the car as a kid. Not a Mercedes like Bruce (cue slight panic from me trying to figure out what Alfred's errand car of choice might be) but still. Samesies.

The car had flipped, rolling over once and then nearly a quarter again before rocking back to rest on its wheels.

Super frustrating to read my own writing, see what I was going for, and also be able to tell that that was inspired BY something... and I don't remember what. Like I KNOW that I was watching something, brain went "Yoink that for a fic!!" and I did, but I can't remember where from.

Shock someone pronounced, which seemed wrong. This felt nothing like touching a doorknob with socked feet. But then, he’d thought that the last time someone had said the same thing. The scratchy gray blanket around his shoulders was nowhere as nice as Lieutenant Gordon’s jacket.

I love playing with language, especially through super-literal kids like Bruce. I get to have fun with words and then make it sad for people. :D

He didn’t remember the ambulance ride, other than that it was loud and a lady with close-cropped hair like lamb’s wool held his hand the entire way. She sat next to him, both of them in squeaky purple seats with crisscrossing seat belts across the chest, while her partner monitored the lady in the stretcher opposite.

I am baffled by this paragraph because reading with 2024 eyes, I would say "Oh, I pulled this from that 9-1-1 show!" because how else would I know what color the seats should be and why would I describe an EMT somewhat similar to Aisha Hinds' character?

Friends, I did not watch a single episode of that show before 2021. I don't know where I got any of this. What scintillating insight I give you in these BTS posts.

Feeling Alfred pull from his grasp had been a true shock, like sticking a fork in a light socket, a blazing force that cut through the fog. He had been convinced as surely as any nine-year-old boy could be that if Alfred left his sight, he was never coming back.

I'm pretty sure some time before this we'd been talking in the group chat about Bruce's attachment to Alfred as his one remaining adult. This fic partly came from that. Poor Bruce has so much trauma from being an orphan and I wanted to, like, just skim the top layer of that and to play around with some of that tight trauma bond a little bit. Alfred is the butler and Alfred is his only adult and Alfred is it now. They're all each other has.

Bruce hadn’t screamed when his parents were shot, and in the days and weeks that followed, his grief had leeched away his speech until he had been left mute and numb. He hadn’t screamed when he was eight, but when he was nine, he had raged so loudly that his screams drowned out the chaos of the ER. . . . Alfred! Alfred! had ricocheted off the scuffed white walls and bleached linoleum floors. Bruce’s one word, his only word in over a year, ALFRED! And it had done him no good.

And THIS specifically is what I wanted to write toward. This right here.

Bruce was no longer nine.

Listen, when I figured out where this fic was going, that I would be able to explore not just what happened to Bruce when he was nine but also link it back to his ADULT SELF? I felt godlike. As far as I can remember, this was NOT planned. I just figured it out while writing.

Their waiting room was an actual room, a closed-off little pocket of private space rather than the larger undivided area that was the hospital’s true waiting room. 

Usually when I write hospital spaces (like in Emergency Contact), I just write the hospital I used to work at, because it makes it easier for me to see the space and also to know I was getting at least some things right. I couldn't do that here, because it didn't make sense for a celebrity family to sit in the public atrium where my mom waited for my grandmother to get out of surgery. So I made it up whole cloth. ✨fiction✨

The nurse, a broad man with a goatee and kind eyes, had sat with him for hours.

Modeled after my old ER coworker, Banksy. 🫡

Off-white walls and patterned floors, the lingering funk of pee and vomit blanketed with chemical cleaners, stainless steel and faded hospital gowns.

In the ER, you can add coffee grounds to the list. For scent absorption. Fun fact, just for you. See, these BTS posts are educational after all.

“An accident,” Bruce repeated patiently. “You fell and I didn’t catch you.”

ALSO HAPPENED TO ME. I didn't fall, I fainted, and my cousin went to catch me and MISSED. Thankfully, I didn't break my arm, but I DID go face-first into the curb. I was NOT checked for a concussion.

“Like the Sixties have come ‘round again,” Alfred answered promptly, making Bruce laugh.

imo, if your Alfred doesn't have a sense of humor that he's willing to use, you're doing it wrong.

A cool thing, this one ended up getting translated into Vietnamese!

[bloodsbane]

okay i just rewatched the last two episodes of utena, which i think helped me collect my thoughts like... a tiny bit.

anyways i just wanted to get my feelings down really quick, aiming for the broad strokes with my impressions on things, blah blah blah. so big warning for utena spoilers under the cut

okay god so. first of all i loved it. extremely fun show. really cool and interesting. it's got that Older Anime Swag i can't get enough of. easily one of those things where, if i'd watched it when i was younger, it would've seriously restructured my entire brain chemistry. also probably would've realized i liked girls way sooner

there is. A LOT. worth talking about. i don't want to make a massively long post though. trying to be like, as straightforward as possible. not just because otherwise i'd talk forever, but also i honestly don't wanna get into the guts of things TOO much, when im still processing my personal feelings on it, plus i still gotta watch the movie

so i'll just say for now, to me, utena reads as like... something similar to a coming of age story, but not exactly. like a weird divergent cousin. i feel like a lot has to do with themes of like, trauma and how that stunts growth, one's inability to grow up beyond things that happened in our pasts, like death or failure, or even just the fact that you were at some point changed... or actualized, like, made to become aware of reality.

even moreso than growing up or adulthood, the idea of the Revolutionizing the World, which i think v deliberately at first sounds like 'change the world (in a broad, conceptual sense)' but this is something that is like... unattainable. impossible. eternity and miracles. perpetual purity, comfort, safety, a fantasy. even with the prince's sword, akio cannot open the gate. he cannot attain the power of eternity or miracles to become what he once was

if it cannot break its egg shell, a chick will die without being born. we are the chick and the world is our egg. if we cannot break the egg, we will die without being born. smash the world's shell for the revolution of the world.

a lot of my intense interest and confusion over the last third of the show was... character motivations. what did akio want? what was his goal in trying to bring utena to him, but to undermine her desire to become a prince? he wanted the sword of a prince but not for utena to wield it. he said something in the end about... how the power of revolution was too much for her, how it was up to him to decide what to do with it.

and a lot said about how she cant accomplish her goals 'because she's a girl'. she can't hold the sword, can't become the prince, can't save anthy, because she's a girl. and im not saying that's NOT a gender thing, like... obviously, in part. but i fought against that reading a little and came to the conclusion that it's not about being like, a girl as in female. it's about being a girl as in child, or rather, the same girl who wanted to stay inside that coffin, and who arguably never left.

that's a big theme brought up again and again, especially later on... living death, to remain in your coffin: the shell that is your world, and your resting place if you are never able to leave it. cowed by the truth of reality, of death and tragedy and loss and pain. so you stay inside the shell and are never really born. everyone at the school is inside of a coffin, both of their own making and in the grander scheme, because for them, the school is their world

and that's why it's so important that anthy leaves. akio is fighting to open the rose gate, to attain the power of revolution, but i don't think he was able to get it because revolution isn't really what he wants. he wants to go back, to live in the past, to be what he was instead of what he's chosen to be, which he can't fully confront, and so he is stuck and stays in his coffin, the planetarium, the school. living through this fantasy story over and over again but unable to ever break free because of the simple fact that like. he cannot see beyond himself, i guess. as opposed to anthy, who recognized that utena did achieve the power for revolution... by helping anthy out of her coffin. allowing anthy to finally be born...

that's a thing too... i think one of the main things that's really subtly brought up throughout the anime, is this idea of selfishness and being unable to see beyond your own perspective and vision and expectations of the world. and that means an inability to see others clearly. that was a huge thing for anthy and utena near the end. that scene where utena is holding anthy on the roof... and they confess to each other their true feelings (?); i don't know if that was dream or reality, but i believe it was the truth. anthy taking advantage of utena's inability to see beyond herself in order to lead her to this point, and utena's inability to recognize anthy's pain (or even, rather, her ability TO forget anthy's pain) for what it was, and that she really needed from her friend.

there's a weird element i haven't wrapped my head around yet... to do with anthy and her being a witch, the swords she takes for her brother/prince, and his willingness to say that it's what she chose for herself, so she (must?) enjoy being the witch who suffers. maybe it's part of his inability to grow... that he can't take responsibility for anthy's pain (and death?) entirely, though her sacrifice was for him... and it could be part of what had akio lose sight of things

the gate doesn't open for akio, who does not truly crave revolution, only a power he no longer has, and in his way he's gotten so muddled and has grown so (unconsciously?) defeatist about things that he's lost sight of what might have been driving him in the first place - love and a desire to save his sister

but utena, who sees anthy as a child and instantly feels all of her pain, recognizes it, maybe even as her own pain reflected back, weeps for a witch and the door opens for her. and the door is not a gate to power, it's a coffin, with anthy lying inside... waiting to die, or waiting for nothing at all... but-

oh ohhh oh... it's like... akio says something about like, without power you always have to depend on someone else? you can't do anything on your own? maybe a resentment for his tie to anthy even. but like. anthy could never break out of her shell without utena opening the coffin for her, and bringing in the light to help her see the sort of world that waited beyond. she says something like 'don't be afraid of this world where we can meet'...

in an attempt to wrap up, i guess for now i might say... utena is trying to say something about connecting to others, being open to life, but accepting that it includes pain and tragedy and loss. there are things that can and will prevent you from ever truly like... evolving beyond your first stage. becoming your true, entire self. alive, "adult", willing and able to confront the world (beyond your world)...

mm... yeah. i think writing this out has helped me figure out things just a bit. and obviously this is my own interpretation of things, but for now it's what feels right for me, alongside all the meanderings and musings.

gwahhg... movie time i guess. aaa!!!!!

[seth-shitposts]

Agent/Fulcrum/(Rebel/Captain) for the WIP game please tell me anything you want🩷

Seth💚: KRIFF YEAH *yanks Alex our from wherever the hell he is so he can answer this* ITS YOUR TIME TO SHINE AGAIN BUDDY-

Alex💙: where you get your energy from will forever remain a mystery to me. Fckin hell. Anyway.

Buckle up because this is a long one. You've given me permission to talk about one of the main things that has us so deep in this Fandom in the first place.

Mmmm cw, there's a chance I may touch on trauma topics. This character is just very important to me and he brings me much comfort so I enjoy pulling him through pain.

This is a WIP that we debatably have the most notes complied for (atm maybe challenged by The Aphelion Waltz). This is one that has been in our docs since half way through our watch of s3. Back in March? Despite it being one of the ones with the most notes thus far, it probably won't see the light of day for quite awhile. Not that I'm not motivated enough to work on it or make it a higher priority, but because of the amount of work that I want to dedicate to it.

Agent/Fulcrum/[Rebel or Captain] is to be a character exploration/expansion. In fact, I plan on making two versions of it.

The first will stick as close to Canon as possible (and abbiously it can't be 100%, but it's more of exploring Kallus’s Canon character development in an indepth way. See: since they didn't do it in Canon, I'm allowed to do it in fanfiction.)

The second will be more of,,, mmm how should I say... Unlimited exploration. Still following through what his possible full character development could be, but not limiting myself to strictly close to Canon. Ocs, characters that have never interacted in Canon having interactions, maybe scenes that felt too OOC for the first one to be added into here. And there might be a fee more versions along these lines as well, if I don't make them their own fics entirely.

But, as it stands, Agent/Fulcrum/Rebel will have two versions.

It will be a very long fic.

I plan on splitting it into three portions: as seen above. It will follow his character throughout Rebels as an ISB Agent and its unrelenting events on him, through his disillusionment and how he becomes Fulcrum ans his isolated developments, and then as a Rebel and his healing process.

There plans to be exploration as to what his background may have been (I'm sorry but no one can convince me that this man wasn't from the lower levels and that he wasn't groomed into joining the empire; in similar ways as the US has done to its own youth. And I am disclaiming that that doesn't free him from accountability for his own actions. Obviously.). Throughout the fic, there will be layout implanted as to his childhood/youth, his recruitment, his work under the empire up until the beginning of the story.

I'm very much thinking that the start of the story is going to take place at the same time as the beginning of Rebels.

The plan thus far is:

Agent s1e1-(post)s2e17 ---his disillusionment arc will fall in with the Fulcrum portion of the trilogy.

Fulcrum s2e17-s3e21

Rebel [or Captain] s3e21/22-s4e15 (maybe even continuing on a bit past so?)

I, personally, related to Kallus’s arc quite a bit. And I'm not going to lie, I despised his guts up through to somewhere early to mid s3. But seeing him put work into becoming a better person, into becoming the person he actually wanted to be, is what changed me. Seth started liking his character back during The Honorable Ones. I took a bit more,,, convincing. A big thing for me is that I despise empty apologies. I never want am apology, I want action. I want genuine attempt for change. And I saw that more during An Inside Man. More of Kallus’s changes and developments were being displayed and that's when I started opening up, but I needed more. If someone had told me upon starting Rebels that by s4e15 I was going to have a new top tier kin and that kin was fucking Kallus I probably would've straight up stopped talking to them unless they elaborated.

Since then, Seth and I have rewatched Rebels numerous times and there's been a multitude of things I've taken more notes on about his character. I want to expand upon that and explore his character more indepth. As well as explore his interaction with other characters on that same level. Dig deeper into just how he got to where he was on the begging of Rebels, and the growth he's had over the course of the show.

Part of the reason why this fic is going to take so long is because each portion is currently estimated to be the length of a book. And that's if I don't accidentally go over board. Which I probably will. We'll see.

Another reason is that I want to have a more indepth understanding of the Star Wars universe. And to do that, it will takes months of going through the content: Shows, movies, comics, novels- hell even reference books. For the work, I want Kallus to be deeply intertwined into this universe he's apart of. And I also wish to have a deeper, better understanding of all the characters that may have had an affect on Kallus’s character; even if indirectly. Then there's also learning more of the past and the society that came before him or that he grew up around in that would have the same type of affects.

I will be taking much liberty with the version closer to Canon verse, but I also want to balance with being as accurate as possible. This is very much a passion project.

I want to dig through the trauma and events and compliances that Kallus had during Agent, how he had been in a recurrent cycle of reliving or suppressing his own trauma. How he would have lashed out as a result. Go through and explore him seeing or doing things he doesn't agree with, but does because it's what needs to be done to achieve his goal. Surely the ends justify the means. Right? Yes, that's what he has been told since the academy. Through this portion, I will be fully exploring the environment of the empire. How it's unforgiving, but the "obvious" answer is if there's a problem, its not the fault of the empire, but of the individual. The conditional care will be explored, as well as how the empire may allow or even promote unhealthy habits for the sake of full dedication. How the empire will only meet the bare minimum needs, and how you have to do your part to earn the right to belong. And how this is the norm. It's every man for himself. Especially the higher in ranks you rise. The top scraps just as much as the bottom. And if you can't conform to the empire? Tough. You simply haven't tried hard enough. I will very much explore the effects of bare minimum needs barely needing met and being net conditionally affects how Kallus thinks and views the universe; as this is stated throughout the first portion of his character arc.

Then for Fulcrum, I want to dig into him doing what he's always done; throwing himself into the challenge. Zeb, as Seth so eloquently says it, "triple dog dared" him to chase the truth- a truth he surely has seen hints of, but probably turned a blind eye to. So upon being challenged, he does so and does so with full intent of being as thorough as possible. Maybe there's a part of him that still hopes that Zeb is wrong, but whether Kallus wants him to be wring or not, he is going to get to the bottom of it whether he likes it or not- and finds that he has committed and complied in acts he had liked doing for a lie. It's all been lies. He faces the truth, and even though it burns and its painful, he doesn't shy away from it. He submerges himself fully into it. Throughout Fulcrum, he faces his past, his own actions and choices. He takes accountability for them. Accepts that he did what he did and that he cannot change what has happened. But he can still change what will happen. There's still time for him to make a difference. There's still time for him to stop betraying his morals and himself. Kallus fully dedicates himself to helping the rebellion. Would he be accepted by them? Surely not. But that won't stop him from aiding them. Kallus avoids thinking about just how isolated he truly is now in favor for doing whatever he can to take advantage of the opportunity before him. It's during this time period where he throws himself into his work. He's accepted that he's done terrible things and that he has been compliant with atrocities against life. He doesn't shy away from that fact. Nor will it stop him from doing everything he can do do better now, to be better now. He finally accepts the fact that the empire isn't just cold, but its cruel and hostile, he has seen if for years but believed the lie that it was the fault of the individual. This part of his arc focuses on the acknowledged, and that he has started putting work into changing. He switches his allegiances and dedicates himself. But he still operated under certain mindsets he learned from the Empire. At this point, he is definitely changed, but definitely hasn't healed. He's very much under the impression for a long while as fulcrum that the rebellion wouldn't accept him. After what he's done, he knows he wouldn't. He makes peace with the fact that he's on his own. He constantly has to be on edge, if he slips up, the empire won't hesitate to snuff him out. And with the constant loom of someone like Thrawn, who is admittedly sharper than most of the empire, the psychological warfare keeps Kallus in a state of constant survival. He thinks he's made progress, but he isn't able to make healthy growth still trapped where he is. To keep himself going, he plans on simply staying in place to feed as much intel as possible to the rebellion until he is caught. He will then escape. The even if the rebellion doesn't accept him, he'll figure out his next plans when he gets there. Ezra infiltrating the empire sets kallus into a deeper sense of alarm, they could both be killed. How does he not see that. Kallus is shocked when he thinks Ezra is there to warn him. The rebellion cares enough to risk one of their top operatives to give him a heads up? And when Kallus gets told that it's actually an extraction, that is a complete game changer to Kallus in that moment. The rebellion is willing to risk so much for him. And while that fact alone overwhelms him, he has to think with a clear head. If the rebellion is willing to take such extreme risks for his life, then he needs to earn that, he needs to return the sentiment. "There's still more good I can do here." Kallus will take more risks, keeping the rebellion informed. And when he gets too close to being caught, he will jump ship. But not right now. Not yet. There's still good he can do where he is.

Rebel- throughout his time through rebel, he initially goes through the biggest culture shock for the second time in his life. There were many habits and work patterns he had done for the Empire that were praised upon that are reprimanded here. He's can't understand why they insist on giving him an abundance of meal items when it's more efficient to go with something smaller. He doesn't understand why there's a time cap on how many hours he's allowed to work. Everything in the rebellion is so different from the Empire. And on some level he had known that, but he didn't know it was this different. He knows that he wanted to be closer to those he worked along side, to be in that warmth, but he didn't realize that it would be this much. Immediately, he is welcomed with such an intense amount of care and compassion that it almost physically pains him. For the first few days he decides to isolate his work space. He wanted this, he does want this, but he doesn't understand it. So for the first few weeks he sticks to either the work he is allowed to do (at first he had thought that the limited amount of work was the rebellion testing to see what he could do and keeping an eye on him to see if he could be trusted. But then he was informed that no. That was the amount of work given to everyone), or speaks with the spectres. Familiar faces. Ones that he thought would be the last ones who wanted to speak to him, but one or more of them always sought him out. And he confides in them about his adjustment issues and how weird the rebellion is. Surely they also have some... no. It's just him. During this portion of the trilogy, With Kallus being given the space to thrive, he still struggles. And he gets frustrated over it in the beginning because he thought things would get better. He feels just out of place here as he had in the empire. But with his growing friendships with the ghost crew, he notices that there were a lot more flaws than he had initially acknowledged. So over the course of this portion, Kallus works on slowly submerging himself more in depth into unworking the careful wiring of the empire and focuses on healing in a more gentle way. But healing isn't always gentle and soft, and Kallus is reminded again just how much work there is for him to do on himself, how much that trauma needs more than just being acknowledged. Yeah, he hasnt forgotten the things that have happened to him or the things that he has done to others; and sure he has accepted his past and started ground work, but he hasn't gotten to the roots and untangled them. He tries to move forward, but feels like he's getting pulled back. He wants to enjoy the company of his nee friends, and sometimes he's able to, but then little sprouts creep up from the back of his mind. Sometimes he's able to ignore them. Sometimes they just get worse. He tries to fix this alone. Kallus feels that he has earned his right to fight in the rebellion, but has he earned the right to call the spectres his friends? ... Does he deserve to earn that right? Kallus battles back and forth as he tries to learn to let the spectres in. He tries to learn to accept their friendship.

Mmmmmmm I'm growing quite tired. Today was a long day. Let it be known nothing here is 100% set in stone, and that most of it I was pulling from memory. I haven't had the chance to even touch this WIP in a fre months and there's still much work to be done on it. I did really like have a chance to talk about it. I would chat more on it, but I already couldn't quite put into words exact what I meant or out of my own drowsiness may have just been rambling.

This fic does have a lot of work head for it. Seth and I are using some of our other fics to build skills or devices for it. To learn how to put certain aspects we want to write about into full affect by doing it on a smaller scale, going through periods of exploration.

I am always down for answering specific questions as best I can or am able to though, so don't hesitate to drop something in out inbox. These have been an utter thrill, honestly

Pls remember to hydrate and take care of yourself.

-Alex💙

[freezethebeez]

c!tommy post-prison-revival drabble that doesn't actually have a proper ending it just kinda cuts off

i don't have a preview for this that'll make sense out of context but basically: tommy dies, gets revived, tubbo takes care of him for a bit, tommy hates himself, tommy also develops POTS because of the head trauma ^_^

-> just putting it out there now: i do not suffer from POTS or any disability similar to it. i did a bit of research about it before writing this, but if anything is inaccurate, that's on me. it's not a massive component of the story, but it is prevalent enough for me to issue this warning.

additional info: brief mention of nudity (nothing weird dw), c!clingy being clingy, angst i guess, a bit of fluff depending on how you look at it

drabble below the break :]

-

Nobody told Tommy that being revived was like being born again.

Nearly seventeen to just three months old again, all in an instant. A three month old is what he is— a three month old with head trauma, all the pent up emotion of a teenager, and a mouth that curses like a sailor—

A mouth that curses because that's all it knows how to do. Tommy's stuck in a body that doesn't know what to do— a body that's gone into fight-or-flight because it's trapped in an obsidian cell with the very thing that killed it and left it to rot for months surrounded by these voices and aggravating sounds in its head.

This fight-or-flight phase doesn't end, even when he's being assisted— no, dragged out of the prison by its warden, knees buckled, legs unable to hold the scarred skin and bag of broken bones placed on top of it.

It only ends when Tommy's eyes meet Tubbo's.

It's raining. It's foggy and it's raining and Tommy can hardly make out Tubbo's silhouette in the distance with his blurry eyes— still adjusting to the world— but somehow he knows. Somehow his brain remembers that this person is important and this one won't hurt you.

Somehow his brain is right.

His head aches.

Tommy's head really aches.

It doesn't stop aching— not in the next hour or the next day or the next week— it never stops aching. He feels dizzy and nauseous and his legs still don't fucking work as Tubbo guides him through the walls of Snowchester.

Snowchester is white— sky-blue and slate-grey and spruce-brown and snow-white— but suddenly it turns black and Tommy's gone again, body laid to rest in the snow where it should be— maybe buried beneath the dirt for good measure— but it doesn't stay there long. His eyes are open again and it's snowing. He feels cold. He can't really feel his hands anymore, much less any other parts of his corpse.

Thank Prime Tubbo's strong.

Tubbo carries him inside— into the warmth of his cottage. "Ranboo is out," he says, "he won't be back for a bit, I don't think. Man's too busy mining." Tubbo sets him down by the fireplace, draping a blanket over him and pulling up a chair, letting his head rest on the seat.

He gets him food. Tommy doesn't eat it. He's too tired and too sick and his head aches too much for him to eat it.

It's embarrassing being born again. It's embarrassing to be three months old with the mind of a seventeen year old. It's embarrassing to have to be taken care of like an infant— to watch a toddler run around with more independence than him.

It doesn't last long, thankfully.

It's only for a few days— nearly a week, but Tubbo takes good care of him.

Tommy doesn't think he'd have it any other way— doesn't think he could bear having anyone else be here for him.

He doesn't think he'd let anyone else bathe him. He doesn't think anyone else would keep a hand on the back of his neck while his head is lowered into the water, no one besides Tubbo.

He doesn't think he'd let anyone else towel him off and dress him. He doesn't think anyone else would dress him in their husband's clothing because their own doesn't fit— he doesn't think anyone else would wash the blood out of his clothes and leave them to dry in front of the furnaces in the basement, returning them while they're still warm, no one else besides Tubbo.

He doesn't think he'd let anyone else spoon-feed him homemade soup and hold his hair back when his body can't take anymore— he doesn't think anyone else would do that for him besides Tubbo.

Nights are long when you're three months old, because three-month-olds cry and cry and cry and they just don't shut up— and Tommy does the same. He feels awful about it, but the tears start and they don't stop and of course Tubbo takes it upon himself to dry them, wiping them away with cold hands that Tommy doesn't entirely mind because he seems to be so feverish all the time anyway.

Eventually, the nights get shorter and the headache goes away and it gets a bit easier to move and stomach food and things are kind of looking up.

Things are looking up until they're not, though. They're looking up until Tommy's finally confident enough to walk to the kitchen by himself and faints halfway.

Tubbo runs a few tests. He doesn't tell Tommy what the diagnosis is, just hands him a wooden cane and tells him that when the episodes stop, he can stop using it.

Tommy figures out what an "episode" is quite quickly.

Summer comes and Tommy moves back home. Home isn't a fantastic place to be in his opinion, especially because it's more of a glorified tomb now that a home. He prefers to go out for walks— revisit some nostalgic sites and relive the memories, walking through the actions of shooting a bow and arrow from the top of a tower, looking over at the crater that was L'Manberg— but these walks become less and less frequent under the summer sun because the sun hates him and his body hates him and everything and everyone hates him and wants him dead.

His body hates him, and he knows it does because every time the sun shines bright enough for the cicadas to play their song, it gives up. It just gives up. It gets dizzy and gets nauseous and it gets shaky and cold and clammy and it gives up. It sends him plummeting to the ground as if it's trying to bury itself— trying to go to where it should be— and then it reboots and carries on as if nothing happened and it makes Tommy hate it all the same.

So Tommy tries to move back to Snowchester— but the snow doesn't help, it just makes him feel colder, and he almost gets hypothermia once— gets frostbite twice cause he's just laying in the snow, which is such a bitch to take care of, honestly, but it's not his fault it's still snowing in the summertime.

[renniethedwstan]

I just can't puck a favourite Doctor anymore. I love them all. I love all the Classics, (need to watch them again to know why i like each doctor from the classics. )all the rebooted. I love Nine, ten, eleven, twelve and Thirteen. I just can't pick one. They're all amazing and wonderful in their own ways I just can't pick at all.

I love Nine because he's a no-nonsense smart aleck spaceman who falls in love with a modern-day shop girl. He's still recovering from the war. He obviously suffers from either trauma or PTSD but tries to make the best of it. He has some of the best one liners and is just funny. (Or at least I think he's funny and I do like a lot of his episodes.)

I love Ten because, let's be honest. He's a pretty boy, goofy. His and Donna's dynamic will always be iconic. There are moments where I just want to smack the sod because he's a jerk or he's just pushed the lines too far. But I can never stay mad at him. (Well maybe I can because he removed Donna's memories but that's a different conversation) he's pretty, he's fun, also funny as well. But is a tad more childlike. I enjoy watching his episodes with my mum as she adores ten.

Eleven. I love this Doctor so much. Yes I love all of them like I said but I will admit there is a soft spot for eleven in there as well. He's an elderich old man with a young face. He acts so childish that it makes it obvious that he's actually a very haunted being whose filled with so much anger and sadness that he loses control and some of his kindness. As much as I love this Doctor. He's not a doctor I'd find myself trusting easily just because of how dark he can get. He's suffered a lot of lost but he's also comfortable causing loss as well. Which shows that he's lost compassion and its going to be hard to rail him back to the spot he used to be where mercy was better than cruelty.

Twelve. Okay so my love for him is a bit more newer as I felt like I never gave him a proper chance when I was younger but I'm now reaching his episodes (s10 it's underrated. So is Bill and his dynamic) I will admit I struggled to like him when I was younger but now I'm older. I feel like I can relate to his grumpiness quite a bit. Humans are stupid and annoying. They're hard work I just wish I had the confidence to insult everyone or had the ability to tell them to shut up like Twelve did. Now on my rewatch I could possibly say Twelve is a brilliant Doctor. Maybe even the best. Not writing wise but in a. He doesn't react like how ten or eleven reacts. He reacts a bit more like how nine reacts. With mercy. He gives the enemies a chance. I mean all Doctor's do but Twelve does it similar to how nine does it. They take a different way of sorting things out with snark and grumpiness.

Thirteen. Oh my precious baby girl. I'm still not okay that she's no longer the Doctor. I loved Thirteen if I'm honest. I will always defend her Doctor. Yes maybe the episodes needs tweaking ill say that but I don't hate the Doctor. I loved her Doctor. She's bubbly fun and just a funny o' ball of social anxious. She's a mood. She's my lil ND mood. Yes she can go dark too. And those moments have made me cross when she takes her anger out on her fam. So she does make me wanna dmack her like ten does. Bit I'm probably more likely to trust her more than I would with eleven just because she seems like she has such warm energy when she is happy. She's a bit more level headed than ten and eleven I'd say (may need to watch her era again. I haven't done it yet lol ooops) she was more with her words than actions I'd say but correct me if I'm wrong. I did like the way she defended Ryan that was sweet. Yes she was awkward at some moments but she's an awkward Doctor. But I will say. Some of her episodes had some funny moments for example when Graham was just like "WORST UBER EVER!) I loved that. I also loved the Master from her era. Now I love all the incarnations of the Master but I will say that Dhawan is my favourite. I just love how utterly fucking manic he is. Dude terrified me. Yet at the same time. He got those dark puppy eyes that makes me wanna hug him too!!.

...sorry bout that rant. But I'm excited for the 60th though.

[mediaevalmusereads]

Demon Copperhead. By Barbara Kingsolver. Harper, 2022.

Rating: 4/5 stars

Genre: literary fiction

Series: N/A

Summary: Set in the mountains of southern Appalachia, this is the story of a boy born to a teenaged single mother in a single-wide trailer, with no assets beyond his dead father's good looks and copper-colored hair, a caustic wit, and a fierce talent for survival. In a plot that never pauses for breath, relayed in his own unsparing voice, he braves the modern perils of foster care, child labor, derelict schools, athletic success, addiction, disastrous loves, and crushing losses. Through all of it, he reckons with his own invisibility in a popular culture where even the superheroes have abandoned rural people in favor of cities.

Many generations ago, Charles Dickens wrote David Copperfield from his experience as a survivor of institutional poverty and its damages to children in his society. Those problems have yet to be solved in ours. Dickens is not a prerequisite for readers of this novel, but he provided its inspiration. In transposing a Victorian epic novel to the contemporary American South, Barbara Kingsolver enlists Dickens' anger and compassion, and above all, his faith in the transformative powers of a good story. Demon Copperhead speaks for a new generation of lost boys, and all those born into beautiful, cursed places they can't imagine leaving behind.

***Full review below.***

CONTENT WARNINGS: drug use/overdose/recovery, abusive relationships, homophobia, miscarriage, sexual content

OVERVIEW: I first heard about this novel while watching a "best books read in 2023" wrap up on YouTube. I was initially hesitant to pick it up because I'm not the biggest Kingsolver fan, but a retelling of David Copperfield was too enticing to pass up. Overall, I have mixed feelings about this book, but the premise is good enough that I lean more towards positive. I wish Kingsolver had done a little more with her material and some of the more emotional moments didn't quite hit as hard as I was hoping, but the moments that did land were very good and I think adapting David Copperfield for a new generation of readers was a good impulse.

WRITING: Kingsolver writes with this easy-going first-person style that is meant to mimic something conversational or informal. This means that there are a few colliquialisms as well as sentence fragments, etc. that give the impression of a younger person narrating the story. Luckily, the novel isn't written in dialect, so it's easy for more people to read.

Personally, I felt that this style worked in some instances and didn't do as well in others. In the places it did work, I appreciated the feeling of hearing an experience described in the character's voice; Demon has a distinctive way of talking, so I can appreciate the work put into sustaining that voice for almost 550 pages.

The places it didn't work, in my opinion, were moments of emotional weight. Because Demon is somewhat reluctant to let his emotions show, I got the sense that some things were being told in a detached way (where I would have expected a more emotional impact). In one sense, this is keeping with Demon's character, but also, I kind of wished I got to experience things with Demon rather than being told about them.

PLOT: This book is a retelling of Charles Dickens's David Copperfield, set in rural Virginia during the 1990s and early 2000s. It tells the life story of a young boy names Demon Copperhead from childhood until young adulthood, exploring issues such as economic hardship, drugs, the dysfunctional foster care system, and generational trauma.

As a concept, I have to applaud Kingsolver because I think she did a brilliant job of bringing Dickens's story to life for a new audience. She absolutely picked up on the things Dickens was interested in (namely poverty) and chose a perfect setting for her retelling, not looking for shock value but to explore how the economic situation in rural America damages children in similar ways that poverty damaged Victorian children. The strongest parts of the book, in my opinion, were when these themes came to the forefront. Some of my favorite passages were direct comments about how rural places were robbed then left for dead by coal companies, how lack of opportunity leads to poverty, how drug use arises, and so forth.

I also appreciated that Kingsolver mixed some good in with the bad to avoid the story coming across as "poverty porn." Demon has plenty of people in his life who care about him and who want to help, so there are plenty of bright spots in what would otherwise be a dreary tale. I think these bright spots go a long way, showing how people can still fall victim to things like drugs and violence, even with a support system.

That being said, I still think Kingsolver could have gone harder and made some of the more emotional moments pack a bigger punch. I'm not advocating for melodrama or tragedy; rather, I wish we hadn't been held at arm's length via Demon's narration all the time.

CHARACTERS: Since there are a number of characters in this book, I'll speak about Demon in some detail and then speak of others in more general terms.

Demon, our narrator and protagonist, is easy to sympathize with and fairly compelling as a protagonist because you get the sense that he's a product of his surroundings. He has a lot of good qualities, like stepping up to take care of people he cares about, and I really got the sense that he was a good kid who got dealt a bad hand. The narrative doesn't completely excuse him, however, and there were plenty of times where I wanted to shake some sense into him. But that made his characterization feel more multi-dimensional.

Supporting characters were also quite varied but all felt like they belonged in the story. I loved characters that wanted the best for Demon, and inreally felt like they were doing the best they could with what they had. I also felt sympathy for characters that were utter disasters, hindering Demon in ways that didn't feel necessarily malicious, just part of the poverty and drug-filled ecosystem.

One thing I do wish Kingsolver had done better was carrying supporting character arcs forward. Personally, it felt like Kingsolver would drop characters as soon as they were no longer central to Demon's life, which is a shame because a number of them keep showing up until the end of the book. For example, Demon and Maggot (his neighbor who is like a brother) are supposedly really close, but after a certain point, it felt like Maggot was just an afterthought. I wish Kingsolver had developed some secondary characters as parallel arcs to Demon, rather than letting some of them fade but never quite disappear.

TL;DR: Demon Copperhead is a brilliant retelling of David Copperfield, exploring the effects of institutional poverty on children in rural America. While I do wish Kingsolver had done some things differently, I think this book accomplishes what it set out to do, and it has enough hard-hitting moments that make the story insightful and memorable.

[taleofdaringdo]

Whoa!!! These brought out so many other instances. I was only focusing on Aziraphale's reactions with Crowley but turns out he has some sort of cognitive dissonance when it comes to trauma altogether.

It's not that he lacks compassion, we have seen him being agitated over Job's innocent children, in Golgotha for Jesus.

However when it doesn't directly result into death, he lacks empathy.

Even in season 1 in the first episode we see him saying that once heaven thrives upon hell it will all be rather lovely. He may not believe it at his heart but he shows no sign or intention of trying to stop it. And he only accepts to work against it when Crowley shows him all the things Aziraphale will personally miss. But the fact that these innocent earthlings will die as a result of Heaven and Hell's gangwar either has no effect on Aziraphale or atleast he is not actively willing to work against it. Why should it take a compassionate being to have it explained and that the right thing to do will be thwarting a demon's work! Shouldn't it come naturally to a truly good person.

Which makes even more sense to think if Aziraphale is being good for goodness' sake? Or being good because that is what is expected of him without sparing any thought towards right or wrong! Is he being "properly good" or "pretendy good"?

I agree so much that the Scotland episode keeps getting harder to watch when you start reading between the lines in the scenes. After turning the dead body practically unusable Aziraphale very well could have simply miracled some for Elspeth. But he doesn't want blood on his or on heaven's hands. You may argue that he didn't want to meddle in human's business only that will be false because he already did meddle with the business. It'd only be fair for him to right the wrong he has created in the first place. He knows he did wrong or his ideas were wrong yet has no reaction to make it better. That too he had to be shown as wrong by a mere human surgeon.

We see something similar in Mesopotamia too. He knows whatever is happening is wrong but doesn't really says anything against it while Crowley is again agitated over literal children getting killed for no reason.

Aziraphale also spares no thought in the space scene to Crowley's marvelous creation, the stars and the Nebula, before saying that its purpose is only letting humans be amazed at the Marvel of the universe. He is telling the creator of the stars that your creation means nothing other than being pretty. Ofcourse Crowley doesn't take it well and starts questioning everything.

Ofcourse Crowley doesn't share anything that went down with him including his fall because Aziraphale has always been dismissive of other's pain and trauma

And sharing pain for trauma survivors is so immensely difficult because it requires levels of trust that I can not begin to express. You have to honour and respect that the other person is sharing something so painful and you have to give them a space to process while holding back your own reaction to it.

Which is why it takes trauma survivors to much time to open up in therapy but even then it's so difficult.

There are things I haven't told her because I can't.

This exactly. Because no one will ever truly get the true extent of trauma. Because no one will truly ever understand the fear, the pain, the sadness, the shock of being put in such situations. But atleast one can surely be empathetic towards the survivors and let them process.

Which brings me to the thought that the character arc Aziraphale is supposed to go through is not simply knowing that heaven is terrible. He knows it very well. Neither is it learning better communication. The lesson he must learn is true compassion and empathy. However what saddens me is that he has not learnt it in 6 thousand years and he will learn it now only after he has yet again hurt Crowley terribly. I just hope Crowley heals, truly truly heals. He deserves all the softness and tenderness in the world that probably only Aziraphale is capable of once he truly learns.

Something that gets debated a lot re: Aziraphale and Crowley's communication issues is "Crowley should've said" vs. "Aziraphale should've asked."

I can't speak for the interpersonal structures of anywhere but the good ol' American Midwest, but isn't the expectation in most social interactions that you don't volunteer personal or unpleasant information unless asked directly? Or, at a minimum, unless the person you're talking to has made it explicitly clear they want to know you on that level?

Because, Aziraphale has definitely not asked. Bro really saw Crowley get sucked into hell after saving Elspeth and wrote in his diary, "And that was the last I was to see of Crowley for quite some time." Is it any surprise Crowley doesn't tell him shit?

[that-gay-jedi]

Who's your favorite star wars character and why are they your fav?

Thank you for sending me my first ask! It's definitely Anakin but the WHY always says more than the who or what :)

So.

Partly I just. I really like villains, fallen heroes, monsters, antagonists and baddies in general, specifically I feel so connected to them all because their stories are never THEIR stories, and that's something that due to my own upbringing and probably some of the marginalized demographics I belong to I feel in my bones.

From a writing perspective there's the satisfaction of seeing a complex, dynamic and well-studied character, especially someone who has both literally and mentally worn so many faces and in a way has lived many different lives. There's some kind of incredible emotional alchemy that happens when I try to reconcile TPM Ani with Vader, or Vader with ghost Anakin, etc.

And then there's how the PT so admirably invokes elements that made classical tragedies from Greek to Shakespearean great and then makes them so digestible to our contemporary sensibilities. Anakin's downfall is a narrative that tilts on all these axes of Choice and Fate, of Virtue and Fault, and of our ordinary human lives and the cosmos and all the messy ways they mix. That tragedy element is in turn very well served by how the OT managed to create a mythos so popular that people forget it's scifi (AND I happen to love scifi, so there's that).

Aesthetics, like DEAR GODS the aesthetics. I dunno I've always had some kind of gender thing for tall pretty men with a certain aura and it gives me gender euphoria to watch him sweeping around in flowing robes looking dramatic. I grew up in a time and place where secondhand gender euphoria was almost the only gender euphoria people like me ever got, so I derive a deeply personal sense of comfort and fulfilment from engaging with the aesthetics of RotS Anakin and any character who hits me in a similar way.

Even though I never saw *ANY* Star Wars content at all until 29 there's this element of how much my younger self would have loved Anakin, like, edgy moody millenial me who was actually using those stereotypes about mall goth teen angst as a way to wear my very real trauma in a relatively socially-safe if somewhat coded way and, by reducing its hiddenness, actually rob that trauma of some of its power and loosen its hold on my life.

And then with Anakin it's like. In a lot of ways his underlying emotional makeup seems so similar to mine in ways that are so painful and so healing to acknowledge, I just- his most Dark Side moments in AotC, RotS and TCW are so true to who I still have to work so hard every day not to be, not necessarily in their severity but in their overall flavour and direction. I so rarely get to see that in heroes OR villains, and the fact that he was both just-

That's not just darkness, that's *MY* darkness, to the point that if I can care about and admire Vaderkin then surely I'm capable of loving myself too, of seeing someone with all my most unattractive and deepest most toxic impulses as someone worth fighting for, someone who deserved better... even someone capable of redemption.

Luke saying "I'm a Jedi, like my father before me" while fully knowing who his dad is is some kind of potent antidote (that I didn't even know I needed) to the damage that both my personal traumas and the early exposure to media that villainized queerness, disability, and neurodivergence did to my psyche.

Relatability kind of comes full circle back to visual elements too. Anakin is shown crying so often and we never once get the slightest suggestion in the movies that he's any less of a warrior for it- nor any less of a man. In a society that both demonizes women and has gendered the hell out of how people experience and express emotions, I can't begin to describe how refreshing it is to see a male character, and one we're supposed to empathize with, shown breaking down so often in multiple ways. Strong and rapidly changing emotions, the outward expression thereof, fear, sadness and even an intense and painful desire for human connection are all disproportionately attributed to women, and shunned. And yet we have Anakin. That the terrifying gravitas of Darth Vader comes from that same person is a statement in and of itself.

Speaking of Vader's power, despite a lot of veeeeery problematic dimensions to how disability is portrayed in the SW universe, he remains one of the most intimidating fictional characters to have prosthetics that don't function identically to Anakin's original legs, which is to have had to *adjust* to an injury, and to have both such conspicuous adaptive equipment and such combat prowess that we the audience associate his medically assisted breathing primarily with a battle that could spell the end of all our protagonists. Having lost a chunk of my own mobility and acquired chronic pain, I find myself wishing for more characters who are never physically the same again, yet have a type of agency and power that isn't purely mystical/cerebral, nor indirect.

I'm sure there's more, but I'm gonna stop here and say thank you again for asking.